Wednesday June 22 3:05 pm 116 Tenth Av. North Panic Mode: ON
I just arrived home five minutes ago to hear that the IAC (inspectors against Christians) are going door to door killing anyone owning a bible. Panic mode is definitely on. Now I'm usually a chill, laid back, chillaxed type of person but when my life is on the line and nobody knows but me, i have the right to panic. I know I'm supposed to trust in the LORD with all my heart and soul and mind, as learned yesterday in church, but it's just too hard sometimes because God is bigger than my mind, his love is too much for my heart and he's more powerful than this world. And so i sometimes have a hard time wrapping my mind around what he can do and how much he can control. I really wish i was Marcie (i know it's weird, but it's not like everything else is normal either so, it's alright if i say that). She's brave, bold and strong; everything I've always wanted to be but didn't have the strength to do. I try to hide my problems but behind that face, behind the smile, is a girl crying for help, wanting a way out. So yeah- i need to get rid of my bible. I almost burned it but, to be honest, i couldn't. I just can't bring myself to do something that sinful and horrid. I can't wreck God's holy book- it's the only thing in this world that makes sense. But i can't keep it because i don't wanna die and i don't wanna die!! Sorry diary, I'm getting you all wet with my tears but it's not my fault, i feel so alone and scared right now.
Today in sociology class we learned that your family is the primary source for emotional support. Mine isn't.
-wait a minute- isn't God considered my heavenly father? And i haven't asked him for advice why? Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh God please help me! They're knocking on the door and the bible's in my hand. They're knocking on the door! Mom can't answer, i won't let her. um... i need a plan and quick! I can do this, I've always done this. solved my own problems, came up with devious plans and improvised during tough situations. This is no different.
If I'm alive tomorrow,