12:00 In court Breaking down
I did, it. I did it diary. I broke down in public for the first time in my life. I never break down, never! Not even the day I broke my wrist. I never cry, I'm a strong women and everybody knows it. Even my parents were surprised that I broke down.
Why did I break down? Let me "break down" the story for you diary.
_______________________________________________________________
I was already terrified from the idea that mom had filed a divorce and scheduled a time for the court without telling me. No warning signals, no text message, nada! And it wasn't even fun like a surprise party. So picture this: I was so surprised that I left my mouth hanging low until one of the guys told me that I had just a bit of drool on my shirt. Just a bit! JUST A BIT! I was drenched in my own drool and I didn't even have time to clean my shirt because I was being dragged into the court room. "Apparently I was late." So I was still getting over the shock of this whole thing. I mean, I knew that this was going to happen one day, I just didn't want to believe that it was going to happen. Everything went "smoothly", as they liked to call it, until the judge asked me to give my testimony. MY TESTIMONY! What I wanted to really say was, "these people, I don't know them. Nope! Don't remember 'em from nowhere." but what came out was crying. I didn't know which side to take. Oh, sure, I knew which side was right- my mom's. But I couldn't betray my dad. I loved him too much. He was the one who'd raised me up. My mom was always working, so it was my dad who had taught me how to play tennis, made me love mini golf and helped my study for my tests(although he never really understood anything he would be teaching me). My dad was my hero. I know. It sounds lame, but he is!! He's adventurous, kind, funny, has a great wardrobe and got everything he's wanted without doing anything he's asked to. Well, he's gotten everything up until now... AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME!! ME AND MY STUPID MOUTH. I blame that mouth of mine!!! So here I am, curled in the corner of a room. They put me there to calm down and when I'm calm, I'm allowed back out.
Like yeah right I wanna get out!
I wanna stay here until I die. And I wanna die now. Why isn't the Lord helping me out of this.
Because.
As Mark (that church elder) once said, "That Lord and his mind!!! Mysterious..."he would go on and say " some things seem good and some things seem bad, but in the end, they're all awesomely amazing!!"
I wish I was as optimistic as Mark. I wish I could see things his way.
Oh, no. They're coming back to check up on me. The same men in that limo. I gotta pretend I'm still freaking out so that I don't have to go back in there.
---Wait a minute!!--- who's pretending, I am freaking out.
*fake cry fake cry fake cry, just keep telling myself to fake cry fake cry fake cry*
"We know you're all better. Come one. The judge can't wait too much longer." "that limo guy" stretches out his hand so that I can take it and get up. But we went over this diary-
"I'm not leaving this room." I reply calmly and sharply looking him straight in the eyes.
"Well this is going to be fun," he says with a smirk on his face.
Diary, he grabbing you! Diary!!! diar
Chapter1: Escape
10:25 Was running- Now Stopped
So I did end up getting out of the school without dying from boredom, but I didn't get out of school property. No, I didn't get caught by a teacher, and no, the police didn't stop me and arrest me for being a christian. A huge limo pulled up with 2 men in suits. No, the suits were not black. When the saw me, they stopped the car. I saw them looking at a piece of paper in their hand. It had a picture- a picture of me. They asked me who I was and told me that I was needed in the New York County Court. I froze. Like actually froze. Because I knew the reason they were here. The ride was slow, unnecessarily slow. I needed to get out of the limo, I didn't want to believe it was happening, but I knew it was. If it was any other time I would've enjoyed the limo ride; playing with the window, checking out the mini phone, using the mini-fridge, using the leg rest, but not today. Today was the day my parent were going to get divorced. How am I so sure? Because...
a) My dad deserves it
b) My mom is great at finding loopholes and convincing people
c) One of the men on the jury for this case has a crush on my mom (I found this one out in the car about 5 minutes ago when the men gave me a folder with all the information I needed to know)
d) All of the above.
I think, diary, that I would go with d. A lot of people say children will feel a lack of sense of belonging when their parents divorce. Not me- I never really felt that my family was a family, let alone a family that belonged together. Or some people might say that children feel like they're the reason for the divorce. Not me- I KNOW that it was all my dad's fault for not doing the part in his relationship. So why am I so sad, no, no, disapointed about this divorce.
Maybe because it was the only thing that was keeping me from breaking down. To know that there was a chance that there was love on this planet. To know that problems do have solutions. To know that people can get along. But this divorce has taught me that none of those statements are true.
Oh! I've arrived. Whooopie :(
So I did end up getting out of the school without dying from boredom, but I didn't get out of school property. No, I didn't get caught by a teacher, and no, the police didn't stop me and arrest me for being a christian. A huge limo pulled up with 2 men in suits. No, the suits were not black. When the saw me, they stopped the car. I saw them looking at a piece of paper in their hand. It had a picture- a picture of me. They asked me who I was and told me that I was needed in the New York County Court. I froze. Like actually froze. Because I knew the reason they were here. The ride was slow, unnecessarily slow. I needed to get out of the limo, I didn't want to believe it was happening, but I knew it was. If it was any other time I would've enjoyed the limo ride; playing with the window, checking out the mini phone, using the mini-fridge, using the leg rest, but not today. Today was the day my parent were going to get divorced. How am I so sure? Because...
a) My dad deserves it
b) My mom is great at finding loopholes and convincing people
c) One of the men on the jury for this case has a crush on my mom (I found this one out in the car about 5 minutes ago when the men gave me a folder with all the information I needed to know)
d) All of the above.
I think, diary, that I would go with d. A lot of people say children will feel a lack of sense of belonging when their parents divorce. Not me- I never really felt that my family was a family, let alone a family that belonged together. Or some people might say that children feel like they're the reason for the divorce. Not me- I KNOW that it was all my dad's fault for not doing the part in his relationship. So why am I so sad, no, no, disapointed about this divorce.
Maybe because it was the only thing that was keeping me from breaking down. To know that there was a chance that there was love on this planet. To know that problems do have solutions. To know that people can get along. But this divorce has taught me that none of those statements are true.
Oh! I've arrived. Whooopie :(
 |
| Wish me luck!! |
Chapter1: Escape
9:00am 10 Minutes later and Ten seconds from dying Detention
Okay, so I finally got Lance to cooperate and we came up with a master plan. Here's the plan:
1. Get Lance to ask to get a drink.
2. He comes back with his cup full.
3. He trips and spills his cup all over the floor.
4. Lance and I ask to go and get paper towels from the janitors room.
5. Then
"Wait a minute!" It was Lance, again.
"What is it Lance? What is it!" I'm usually more patient than this, but with the state of my life, Lance should take this as a grace card, and!!!!! He just made me smudge ink all over my diary.
"Well I kinda just noticed," Wow, 10 minutes in detention can really change a person. "That this room has a like paper towel dispenser."
bummer
"Well, THEN GET RID OF IT!!" I snapped.
"The paper towels or the dispenser?" He shot me a questioning look. I shot him! No, I just smiled- something I hadn't had the time to do in a while.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you had walked into the detention room at around this time for whatever reason; dropping off attendance sheets, giving complaint reports or just for the sake of it (It is my favourite class in the school), you would have no clue what had just happened here. But I'll clue you in diary. We got rid of the paper towels. This is how:
I took the paper towel roll out of the dispenser (I totally know how to break open that dispenser without a key) and Lance and I "decorated" the classroom with it and when the detention supervisor came back from her washroom break and asked what was going on Lance replied saying "You surely don't expect a bright student like me to not study while in detention. This here is a science experiment comparing the relationship between... (I didn't write the rest not because I didn't feel like it but because right after that big E word, I kinda stopped listening.
"I'm not stupid." She replied. Then why are you here!! I wanted to shout out loud. I mean, most of the detention ladies are laid off janitors. Apparently, she's a science major and professor at Long Island University and she was just here to substitute for her sister- who's a janitor.
So.... drum roll please..... WE'RE SUSPENDED, WE'RE SUSPENDED!! I'M SUSPENDED, I'M SUSPENDED! IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!
Oh no! It's 9:45! I better HIT "N" RUN- and by hit I mean smack Lance out of the way.
Okay, so I finally got Lance to cooperate and we came up with a master plan. Here's the plan:
1. Get Lance to ask to get a drink.
2. He comes back with his cup full.
3. He trips and spills his cup all over the floor.
4. Lance and I ask to go and get paper towels from the janitors room.
5. Then
"Wait a minute!" It was Lance, again.
"What is it Lance? What is it!" I'm usually more patient than this, but with the state of my life, Lance should take this as a grace card, and!!!!! He just made me smudge ink all over my diary.
"Well I kinda just noticed," Wow, 10 minutes in detention can really change a person. "That this room has a like paper towel dispenser."
bummer
"Well, THEN GET RID OF IT!!" I snapped.
"The paper towels or the dispenser?" He shot me a questioning look. I shot him! No, I just smiled- something I hadn't had the time to do in a while.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you had walked into the detention room at around this time for whatever reason; dropping off attendance sheets, giving complaint reports or just for the sake of it (It is my favourite class in the school), you would have no clue what had just happened here. But I'll clue you in diary. We got rid of the paper towels. This is how:
I took the paper towel roll out of the dispenser (I totally know how to break open that dispenser without a key) and Lance and I "decorated" the classroom with it and when the detention supervisor came back from her washroom break and asked what was going on Lance replied saying "You surely don't expect a bright student like me to not study while in detention. This here is a science experiment comparing the relationship between... (I didn't write the rest not because I didn't feel like it but because right after that big E word, I kinda stopped listening.
"I'm not stupid." She replied. Then why are you here!! I wanted to shout out loud. I mean, most of the detention ladies are laid off janitors. Apparently, she's a science major and professor at Long Island University and she was just here to substitute for her sister- who's a janitor.
So.... drum roll please..... WE'RE SUSPENDED, WE'RE SUSPENDED!! I'M SUSPENDED, I'M SUSPENDED! IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!
Oh no! It's 9:45! I better HIT "N" RUN- and by hit I mean smack Lance out of the way.
"Best of luck!"
huh?
Oh, that was Lance.
Thank you I mouthed.
Chapter1: Escape
I watched as the clock ticked- very slowly. Why couldn't the school day end? I needed to talk to Mark. As a church elder, he'd know the answer to everything (although he always denies it). He'd probably even help me get my parents back together again. And this matter cannot wait. THAT'S RIGHT! THIS MATTER CANNOT WAIT! IT WILL NOT WAIT. I have to escape, one way or another. And it's not like I'll be missing anything- I'm in detention. Plus, even if i do get caught, what's the worst they can do to me? Throw me in detention? Well, whaddya know? I'm already in detention.
"They could suspend you." Lance, a kid with perfectly sleeked hair and nerd glasses, answered. Oops! I must've said that out loud. I think I need to watch what I say from now on, being a christian and all.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, seriously wondering what a perfectly good student like Lance would be doing in detention. He gets straight A's and his family life is not a wreck. Plus I doubt he's a christian.
"Well... COD's havingthischanpionship twelvehoursinarow andIjustcouldn'tmissit..."
Wait a minute, Lance is a gaming geek! Wow, you learn more in detention than you'll ever learn in the classroom.
"And what does this have to do with detention?" I felt seriously dumb. I had never been on the outside of things. I always knew what people were talking about. What has happened to me? It's probably all the drama going on in my life that makes me forget to appreciate the little things in life. Like gossip. And shopping. And gossip. And shopping. But mostly gossip.
"Well, if you get in trouble in detention, they suspend you. So then I'd get to go home and... you know... have fun!"
"So why are you still here?"
"Well no matter how much I try, I can't get myself in trouble."
"Well then how did you get yourself in trouble in class?"
"Marcus threw a wad of gum at Mrs. Nadia's head and I said I had done it."
"Sheesh. You couldn't even get yourself in trouble on your own." I had never met a guy like this. weird. "dependable much!"
"You're one to talk! When was the last time you did your own homework!" His ears were fuming. Calm it buster. But, I couldn't argue with him. But would you do your homework if really nice guys offered to do it instead? I don't think so. Plus it gives me more time to solve all my life problems and... homework bores me.
"Listen." Oh I can be feisty. "I will help you get out of here if you help me."
"Why do you need help? You've got bad written all over you?" Sometimes I wish we were allowed to use pocketknives at school because I know the first person I'd use mine on. But ever since a group of kid ganged up on a teacher and killed her in her classroom, pocketknives have been banned.
I like my pocketknife. It's really pretty and very sharp. I sharpen it every weekend just incase I have to use it. In situations like this. Dontcha like it diary? It's purple just like my hair.
"Ouch! I got a paper cut." Don't tell me that's Lance, don't tell me that's Lance. I turned my head slowly and whaddya know!! It's Lance.
"Grow up!" I shouted (a bit too loud, maybe, because the whole room turned around and looked at me. I really need to watch my voice these days).
"Eeew! My paper cut's bleeding!"
This is going to be a long day.
"They could suspend you." Lance, a kid with perfectly sleeked hair and nerd glasses, answered. Oops! I must've said that out loud. I think I need to watch what I say from now on, being a christian and all.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, seriously wondering what a perfectly good student like Lance would be doing in detention. He gets straight A's and his family life is not a wreck. Plus I doubt he's a christian.
"Well... COD's havingthischanpionship twelvehoursinarow andIjustcouldn'tmissit..."
Wait a minute, Lance is a gaming geek! Wow, you learn more in detention than you'll ever learn in the classroom.
"And what does this have to do with detention?" I felt seriously dumb. I had never been on the outside of things. I always knew what people were talking about. What has happened to me? It's probably all the drama going on in my life that makes me forget to appreciate the little things in life. Like gossip. And shopping. And gossip. And shopping. But mostly gossip.
"Well, if you get in trouble in detention, they suspend you. So then I'd get to go home and... you know... have fun!"
"So why are you still here?"
"Well no matter how much I try, I can't get myself in trouble."
"Well then how did you get yourself in trouble in class?"
"Marcus threw a wad of gum at Mrs. Nadia's head and I said I had done it."
"Sheesh. You couldn't even get yourself in trouble on your own." I had never met a guy like this. weird. "dependable much!"
"You're one to talk! When was the last time you did your own homework!" His ears were fuming. Calm it buster. But, I couldn't argue with him. But would you do your homework if really nice guys offered to do it instead? I don't think so. Plus it gives me more time to solve all my life problems and... homework bores me.
"Listen." Oh I can be feisty. "I will help you get out of here if you help me."
"Why do you need help? You've got bad written all over you?" Sometimes I wish we were allowed to use pocketknives at school because I know the first person I'd use mine on. But ever since a group of kid ganged up on a teacher and killed her in her classroom, pocketknives have been banned.
I like my pocketknife. It's really pretty and very sharp. I sharpen it every weekend just incase I have to use it. In situations like this. Dontcha like it diary? It's purple just like my hair.
"Grow up!" I shouted (a bit too loud, maybe, because the whole room turned around and looked at me. I really need to watch my voice these days).
"Eeew! My paper cut's bleeding!"
This is going to be a long day.
 |
Eeew, he's licking his blood. |
Chapter 1: Escape
Thursday, June 16 8:35 am Hawk Nelson Secondary School Detention
Talk about sleep deprivation. I totally, shouldn't have had that sleepover yesterday. But, I definitely needed it. It reminded me that I wasn't alone on Earth. I did have friends and they would always be there for me... as long as I wasn't a christian. Why? Why were Christians hated so much? Was it because they were the ones holding the truth? Was it because they were right? I dunno, but I know that I'm waaaaay too tired to be thinking right now.
And that is how I got into detention.
I fell asleep during homeroom. Mrs. Folley should be more reasonable though. I usually fall asleep during that class anyways. It's math! Even the nerds get tired of math sometimes. But today was different, I was lacking a good night's sleep which meant that when I'd fall asleep in class today, I wouldn't wake up. Mrs. Folley called on me several times, and without thinking I told her to shut up and go kill herself. So now I'm here for the rest of the day. Exciting! Well, it would be. I mean, I usually have fun in detention because well, it means I'm not in class. Today, though, I had too much going on in my life and detention was the last thing I needed. So, have I mentioned that my mom has this divorce thing so packed down in her tiny little head that she's not listening to anyone's advice? Yeah, well if I haven't told you already, I just did. The problem with this divorce is that unlike other situations- in which I always end up solving- this one is not a no-brainer. The only answer is that well... there really isn't any satisfying love on earth. The only good love is the love from God. I know I've been complaining a lot about Christianity lately but during the hardship, I had never felt lonely or unloved.And I really can't blame my mom for hating my dad- he is using her. He has no job and she makes money. So that topic was taking up a lot of place in the "worry wart" section of my brain. And that section kept on oozing out and destroying the other sections in my brain, like the "think before you speak" section.
And then there's Bruce. I so, so ,so do not like him. Plus he's all Olivia's. Like I'm gonna be that immature about this situation. I believe that any girl who drools over a guy is not a girl at all, but half a one looking for a guy to complete her life. Plus, everybody knows that guys come in this ugly package and inside that package is a good dose of drama. And that is the LAST thing I need. But everybody's accusing me of liking him and I hate it when people accuse me. Olivia used to be one of my closest friends. We used to keep secrets from the other girls but now I feel like I'm on the outside of every inside joke. I feel lonely and cold but not confused. I know why she's changed. It's because I've changed. I don't blame her but I really miss the friendship we used to have. I remember when one of us would purposely get a detention so that they could accompany the other person in a detention because we had believed it was unfair for the other person to suffer alone. I remember when we'd have our study sessions or when we'd fight for each other. I remember in freshman year, Olivia's temper got so out of control that she ended up physically fighting this girl everyday for a week just because she had insulted me about the top I had on. They say " make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold." It should go " lose old friends, make no more.Sit there crying, let it all pour". I know I have Jesus, diary, I know but I just can't stand not having someone on Earth, physically here with me. It hurts you know. It hurts to know that you don't have anybody to turn to, nobody to hug you at night or read you a bible story. Nobody to tell you that they love you because people are so busy trying to solve their problems they have no time to appreciate the little things in their life.... like their own daughter! I miss the old life but that is now all behind me. And I am NOT looking back. So not looking back- I'm not gonna be like lot's wife. I know that what's ahead is way better than what's behind. Plus I don't have a time machine. And even if I did, I don't think I'd really want to use it. Would I really want to go change everything?
Talk about sleep deprivation. I totally, shouldn't have had that sleepover yesterday. But, I definitely needed it. It reminded me that I wasn't alone on Earth. I did have friends and they would always be there for me... as long as I wasn't a christian. Why? Why were Christians hated so much? Was it because they were the ones holding the truth? Was it because they were right? I dunno, but I know that I'm waaaaay too tired to be thinking right now.
And that is how I got into detention.
I fell asleep during homeroom. Mrs. Folley should be more reasonable though. I usually fall asleep during that class anyways. It's math! Even the nerds get tired of math sometimes. But today was different, I was lacking a good night's sleep which meant that when I'd fall asleep in class today, I wouldn't wake up. Mrs. Folley called on me several times, and without thinking I told her to shut up and go kill herself. So now I'm here for the rest of the day. Exciting! Well, it would be. I mean, I usually have fun in detention because well, it means I'm not in class. Today, though, I had too much going on in my life and detention was the last thing I needed. So, have I mentioned that my mom has this divorce thing so packed down in her tiny little head that she's not listening to anyone's advice? Yeah, well if I haven't told you already, I just did. The problem with this divorce is that unlike other situations- in which I always end up solving- this one is not a no-brainer. The only answer is that well... there really isn't any satisfying love on earth. The only good love is the love from God. I know I've been complaining a lot about Christianity lately but during the hardship, I had never felt lonely or unloved.And I really can't blame my mom for hating my dad- he is using her. He has no job and she makes money. So that topic was taking up a lot of place in the "worry wart" section of my brain. And that section kept on oozing out and destroying the other sections in my brain, like the "think before you speak" section.
And then there's Bruce. I so, so ,so do not like him. Plus he's all Olivia's. Like I'm gonna be that immature about this situation. I believe that any girl who drools over a guy is not a girl at all, but half a one looking for a guy to complete her life. Plus, everybody knows that guys come in this ugly package and inside that package is a good dose of drama. And that is the LAST thing I need. But everybody's accusing me of liking him and I hate it when people accuse me. Olivia used to be one of my closest friends. We used to keep secrets from the other girls but now I feel like I'm on the outside of every inside joke. I feel lonely and cold but not confused. I know why she's changed. It's because I've changed. I don't blame her but I really miss the friendship we used to have. I remember when one of us would purposely get a detention so that they could accompany the other person in a detention because we had believed it was unfair for the other person to suffer alone. I remember when we'd have our study sessions or when we'd fight for each other. I remember in freshman year, Olivia's temper got so out of control that she ended up physically fighting this girl everyday for a week just because she had insulted me about the top I had on. They say " make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold." It should go " lose old friends, make no more.Sit there crying, let it all pour". I know I have Jesus, diary, I know but I just can't stand not having someone on Earth, physically here with me. It hurts you know. It hurts to know that you don't have anybody to turn to, nobody to hug you at night or read you a bible story. Nobody to tell you that they love you because people are so busy trying to solve their problems they have no time to appreciate the little things in their life.... like their own daughter! I miss the old life but that is now all behind me. And I am NOT looking back. So not looking back- I'm not gonna be like lot's wife. I know that what's ahead is way better than what's behind. Plus I don't have a time machine. And even if I did, I don't think I'd really want to use it. Would I really want to go change everything?
Chapter 1: Escape
12:00 Outside- around the block walking hoping we don't die still uncomfortable
Dear diary this, dear diary that... I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I don't feel it. I really don't feel that the lord is helping me out. I used to feel it. But now, I feel like giving up. I thought that the lord was supposed to help me out. I thought he was supposed to always be there for me. But i guess I was wrong. Actually, I know I was wrong. This whole christianity thing isn't working out for me. I've been praying for about a week now, but I don't feel any better. Actually, I feel worse. My friends won't shut up about how stupid christians are and I just can't include myself in the conversation with them. I don't feel comfortable doing so. I don't even feel like their my friends anymore. The only thing we ever did together was share gossip, and I just feel rude doing so now.
"You're such a freak!" I told him, all embarrassed, "You scared me like crap!"
"And made me mess up my hair!" Emma gushed. That girl sucked at talking to guys. She never knew what to say or what to do, but i guess that's why all the guys seamed to like her- she was easy to talk to. Plus she was cute.
"Well I'm so very sorry," he mocked an apology. "What are you ladies doing out here? It's way too late for you young girls to be wandering around."
"Talking, like you'd care," Olivia answered, her hands crossed over her chest. William shrugged his shoulders and walked over to his house which was right across the street.
"Wow, Liv! Like you had to go and ruin the moment," Janett rolled her eyes,"I could have stared at him for like, another hour? Sheesh! You ruin all the fun, girl!"
"Well at least I saved you from looking like such a dork." Olivia always knew how to answer people.
"Tev, tevs!" I had to agree with Janett on this one.
We continued to 'walk 'n' talk' for about another hour and by then it was about twelve midnight, so we headed back to my house.
That night I had the worst nightmare. It was weird. And scary. And it all went way too fast for me. Marcie was in it. Actually, it was all about Marcie. She was running away... from these people with masks on. They were large and they had guns in their hands. The men kept on catching up to her, her face getting sweatier by the second. She was slowing down, they were catching up. She cried for help, but of course, nobody heard he. They grabbed her and strangled her and told her to yell, "God is a myth, God is a myth. I will worship only the devil, only the devil". No! she'd yell, No! "I will never do it!" and that was when the trigger on the gun went off and she disappeared- dead, gone forever, all in the blink of an eye.
Once again, thank God for pillow fights- they totally take your mind off serious problems.
Until tomorrow,
Dear diary this, dear diary that... I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I don't feel it. I really don't feel that the lord is helping me out. I used to feel it. But now, I feel like giving up. I thought that the lord was supposed to help me out. I thought he was supposed to always be there for me. But i guess I was wrong. Actually, I know I was wrong. This whole christianity thing isn't working out for me. I've been praying for about a week now, but I don't feel any better. Actually, I feel worse. My friends won't shut up about how stupid christians are and I just can't include myself in the conversation with them. I don't feel comfortable doing so. I don't even feel like their my friends anymore. The only thing we ever did together was share gossip, and I just feel rude doing so now.
...
About the third the third time around the third time around the block, right when the gossip was actually getting quite serious, a monster jumped out at us. Yeah, well it's dark outside, so it looked like a monster to me. It was tall, it was wide and it had shaggy, gorgeous... beautiful... brown hair. Okay, it was William. A definite hottie from Long Island University. Wow! What a creep, like he didn't have to scare us so much. We all turned around quickly to fix our hair that had frizzed up from the fear. Then we all did our usual rounds of hugs. Now this is the guy I'd want to date- not Bruce."You're such a freak!" I told him, all embarrassed, "You scared me like crap!"
"And made me mess up my hair!" Emma gushed. That girl sucked at talking to guys. She never knew what to say or what to do, but i guess that's why all the guys seamed to like her- she was easy to talk to. Plus she was cute.
"Well I'm so very sorry," he mocked an apology. "What are you ladies doing out here? It's way too late for you young girls to be wandering around."
"Talking, like you'd care," Olivia answered, her hands crossed over her chest. William shrugged his shoulders and walked over to his house which was right across the street.
"Wow, Liv! Like you had to go and ruin the moment," Janett rolled her eyes,"I could have stared at him for like, another hour? Sheesh! You ruin all the fun, girl!"
"Well at least I saved you from looking like such a dork." Olivia always knew how to answer people.
"Tev, tevs!" I had to agree with Janett on this one.
We continued to 'walk 'n' talk' for about another hour and by then it was about twelve midnight, so we headed back to my house.
That night I had the worst nightmare. It was weird. And scary. And it all went way too fast for me. Marcie was in it. Actually, it was all about Marcie. She was running away... from these people with masks on. They were large and they had guns in their hands. The men kept on catching up to her, her face getting sweatier by the second. She was slowing down, they were catching up. She cried for help, but of course, nobody heard he. They grabbed her and strangled her and told her to yell, "God is a myth, God is a myth. I will worship only the devil, only the devil". No! she'd yell, No! "I will never do it!" and that was when the trigger on the gun went off and she disappeared- dead, gone forever, all in the blink of an eye.
...
Thank God for pillow fights because if Brittany hadn't accidentally smacked me with her hard-rock pillow, I don't know how much of that nightmare I could've taken. "I can't do this anymore!" I silently prayed to the Lord. "I really need your help, please Lord, I'm begging you! Help me!"Once again, thank God for pillow fights- they totally take your mind off serious problems.
Until tomorrow,
Chapter 1: Escape
10:00 Still Alive But Getting Worse
So we Continued our party but I couldn't help but feel a tad uncomfortable when they started gossiping. I don't know how it went from Katy Perry to Marcie but in a matter of minutes they were laughing about her and saying that she was so weird and awkward. And you know what, I got really tensed up when they said that they had found out that she was a christian.
"My dad's turning her in!" Brittany said with this excited look on her face.
"By the way, how much money do you get when you turn somebody in?" Angela asked.
"Like 3000 dollars but it depends on their age and health." Brittany answered.
"Well, it's a good thing that they're getting rid of all those christians. They've got the stupidest rules." Olivia had to be part of every conversation, even if she had NO idea what was going on.
"Well, what have christians done to us?" I couldn't believe that these words had came out of my mouth. What was I thinking? Next they're going to question me, then they'll turn me in and then I'll be gone forever!!!. Okay, you know what? Maybe I'm overreacting, right? I mean, they're my friends, they wouldn't turn me in, would they? I started panicking on the inside and I never panic, never.
"I dunno, but they're so weird and all about rules and stuff," the one thing I love about Emma is that she never knows what she's talking about.
Janett backed up Emma," Well, they're always saying that the rest of us will go to hell and that they're perfect and it's just plain annoying!"
"Well you know what, that's all stupid. That's not what christianity is about!!" Now of course I didn't say that, but I would've liked to. I never would've doubted my friends. What happened to me? I know, I became a christian but what did that have to do with my reputation? I had to change. I know we aren't supposed to conform to the world but my reputation is at stake so God will have to be his patient self and wait a while. Instead, I said "Why don't we all get our Jammies on. If christianity is so stupid then why are we talking about it?"
"Point!" Angela said.
Olivia reached into her handbag and started brushing her hair. "What are you all waiting for? Cathy said it already! Let's get our Jams on."
And when Olivia tells you to do something, you do it!
So we Continued our party but I couldn't help but feel a tad uncomfortable when they started gossiping. I don't know how it went from Katy Perry to Marcie but in a matter of minutes they were laughing about her and saying that she was so weird and awkward. And you know what, I got really tensed up when they said that they had found out that she was a christian.
"My dad's turning her in!" Brittany said with this excited look on her face.
"By the way, how much money do you get when you turn somebody in?" Angela asked.
"Like 3000 dollars but it depends on their age and health." Brittany answered.
"Well, it's a good thing that they're getting rid of all those christians. They've got the stupidest rules." Olivia had to be part of every conversation, even if she had NO idea what was going on.
"Well, what have christians done to us?" I couldn't believe that these words had came out of my mouth. What was I thinking? Next they're going to question me, then they'll turn me in and then I'll be gone forever!!!. Okay, you know what? Maybe I'm overreacting, right? I mean, they're my friends, they wouldn't turn me in, would they? I started panicking on the inside and I never panic, never.
"I dunno, but they're so weird and all about rules and stuff," the one thing I love about Emma is that she never knows what she's talking about.
Janett backed up Emma," Well, they're always saying that the rest of us will go to hell and that they're perfect and it's just plain annoying!"
"Well you know what, that's all stupid. That's not what christianity is about!!" Now of course I didn't say that, but I would've liked to. I never would've doubted my friends. What happened to me? I know, I became a christian but what did that have to do with my reputation? I had to change. I know we aren't supposed to conform to the world but my reputation is at stake so God will have to be his patient self and wait a while. Instead, I said "Why don't we all get our Jammies on. If christianity is so stupid then why are we talking about it?"
"Point!" Angela said.
Olivia reached into her handbag and started brushing her hair. "What are you all waiting for? Cathy said it already! Let's get our Jams on."
And when Olivia tells you to do something, you do it!
Chapter 1: Escape
Wednesday, June 15 3:00 pm Mad (Please don't ask why)
Okay, diary I am giving up on rejoicing because my life has nothing to rejoice about, and I mean nothing. I wish I could name one thing but I can't. At school today my friend Brittany kept questioning why i was buy on Sundays. I lied (again) and said that I had family matters that had to be taken care of. I wish i hadn't said that because now I actually have family matters. My mom has filed a divorce, thanks to my great advice, and we're supposed to be in court next week. This is just great. While many kids are planning vacations for the summer, my family is in court. You know, I've always wondered why tho Lord gave me a family like this. I hate it so much. Yes, I HATE it! But I guess I won 't have a family to hate soon because at this point i think my mom's winning this war. My mom has gotten a lawyer and so has my dad and apparently I need one too because this divorce is more complicated than it seams. Whatever, like I care. All I'm looking forward to is the end of this dilemma. So right after school I called up all my friends- Brittany, Janett, Angela, Olivia and Emma- to hold our monthly sleepover. When all the girls had arrived we put our sleeping bags in a star-shape on the ground. It was a six-pointed star with the heads of our sleeping bags pointed inwards. When all the sleeping bags were in place we get straight to having fun. I turned on the music so we could dance until our feet were sore.
Music Playlist: Taylor Swift- You Belong With Me
P!nk- Raise Your Glass
Katy Perry- Firework
Bruno Mars- Grenade
Akon- Angel
Paula Abdul- Opposites Attract
Usher- More
We never got past Grenade though because Olivia stopped the song halfway. "Do you wanna guess what this song reminds me of?" She asked in a sharp, angry tone. But I didn't want to guess. Actually, I already knew.
"Bruce."
"How come?" Angela asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, i don't get it?" Brittany added.
"Tell us please! I love juice gossip!" Emma was already wiggling in her chair from all the excitement. Honestly, I swear that girl could get excited over nothing.
"Oh, Cathy knows I would do anything for Bruce. I'v been in love with him for years!! I'm so mad at Cathy! She's a liar and a betrayer and she knows it!!!" Okay, now i had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't even go out with Bruce or nothin like than.
"Actually, I have no idea what you are talking about!" I was getting pretty mad.
"Oh no, you don't know," Olivia said sarcastically. "You are lying about Bruce! I doubt that's the only thing he was asking you the other day!"
"Um.. what do you mean?" I wanted to know what Olivia knew. Actually I had to know what Olivia knew. With all this christian murder going around, I got to be safe.
"Well he kept asking me about you today in bio class and he was totally checking you out today after lunch." She raised an eyebrow as in saying 'understand?'
"You're just jealous!" Angela piped up. Man, I love Angela. What would I do without a friend like that.
"No I just know that she's hiding something. I mean, why would she skip the most amazing party of the year? Tell me! Why would she?!" Olivia was out of her mind.
But apparently Olivia made a good point because nobody had an answer. Everybody was speechless. Everybody. I was alone. For the first time of my life i felt this loneliness inside. When all of a sudden i got this idea- I'm not alone, I the Lord here to talk to. I smiled, proud that at least I still had someone on my side.
"What are you smiling for?" Janett spoke up for the fist time. "We're waiting for an answer."
I had to come up with something good, but not too much of a lie but still yet so believable. How was I going to do that? And it wasn't like I had time to plan what I was going to do. I took a deep breathe and tried to search way back in my head for an idea. But i didn't have to search so far because of that fabulous holy spirit- man he knows what he's doing!
"You guys are so selfish! You don't know what I've been going through these past few days and do you bother to even ask? NO! My mom has filed a divorce against my dad. There! You wanted the truth, well there it is. I was just embarrassed about it, okay!!?" I loved my answer. I wasn't even lying this time.
"Why would you be embarrassed?" Olivia asked. Her face was softer and she looked regretful.
"Well... you guys have such great families and... and... I don't know...." I tried to trail off my voice for as long as i could- it added effect.
"Well I'm sorry," Angela was the first to apologize and she was followed by Olivia's 'I guess I over reacted' and Emma and Brittany's 'I feel terrible for you' and last and definitely least was Janett's 'Whatevs'.
The Lord and I had done it again! He's a great sidekick! Well, i guess, I'm the sidekick... but really, who's keeping count anyways?
Music Playlist: Taylor Swift- You Belong With Me
P!nk- Raise Your Glass
Katy Perry- Firework
Bruno Mars- Grenade
Akon- Angel
Paula Abdul- Opposites Attract
Usher- More
We never got past Grenade though because Olivia stopped the song halfway. "Do you wanna guess what this song reminds me of?" She asked in a sharp, angry tone. But I didn't want to guess. Actually, I already knew.
"Bruce."
"How come?" Angela asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, i don't get it?" Brittany added.
"Tell us please! I love juice gossip!" Emma was already wiggling in her chair from all the excitement. Honestly, I swear that girl could get excited over nothing.
"Oh, Cathy knows I would do anything for Bruce. I'v been in love with him for years!! I'm so mad at Cathy! She's a liar and a betrayer and she knows it!!!" Okay, now i had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't even go out with Bruce or nothin like than.
"Actually, I have no idea what you are talking about!" I was getting pretty mad.
"Oh no, you don't know," Olivia said sarcastically. "You are lying about Bruce! I doubt that's the only thing he was asking you the other day!"
"Um.. what do you mean?" I wanted to know what Olivia knew. Actually I had to know what Olivia knew. With all this christian murder going around, I got to be safe.
"Well he kept asking me about you today in bio class and he was totally checking you out today after lunch." She raised an eyebrow as in saying 'understand?'
"You're just jealous!" Angela piped up. Man, I love Angela. What would I do without a friend like that.
"No I just know that she's hiding something. I mean, why would she skip the most amazing party of the year? Tell me! Why would she?!" Olivia was out of her mind.
But apparently Olivia made a good point because nobody had an answer. Everybody was speechless. Everybody. I was alone. For the first time of my life i felt this loneliness inside. When all of a sudden i got this idea- I'm not alone, I the Lord here to talk to. I smiled, proud that at least I still had someone on my side.
"What are you smiling for?" Janett spoke up for the fist time. "We're waiting for an answer."
I had to come up with something good, but not too much of a lie but still yet so believable. How was I going to do that? And it wasn't like I had time to plan what I was going to do. I took a deep breathe and tried to search way back in my head for an idea. But i didn't have to search so far because of that fabulous holy spirit- man he knows what he's doing!
"You guys are so selfish! You don't know what I've been going through these past few days and do you bother to even ask? NO! My mom has filed a divorce against my dad. There! You wanted the truth, well there it is. I was just embarrassed about it, okay!!?" I loved my answer. I wasn't even lying this time.
"Why would you be embarrassed?" Olivia asked. Her face was softer and she looked regretful.
"Well... you guys have such great families and... and... I don't know...." I tried to trail off my voice for as long as i could- it added effect.
"Well I'm sorry," Angela was the first to apologize and she was followed by Olivia's 'I guess I over reacted' and Emma and Brittany's 'I feel terrible for you' and last and definitely least was Janett's 'Whatevs'.
The Lord and I had done it again! He's a great sidekick! Well, i guess, I'm the sidekick... but really, who's keeping count anyways?
Chapter 1: Escape
Being followed by a Wildflower 2:40- After School
Everyday passed so slowly. It was like God wanted me to feel pain for just living. Sometimes i wonder if he ever leaves me. It's hard to tell since i cant even see him. And today was no different. Except for the fact that a flappin' wild flower was chasing after me. A Wildflower is someone who's weird or different and looked down on. I walked faster, she walked faster. I could hear her footsteps right behind me. I could tell that she was now up to a jog. Doesn't Marcie get it? I don't want to talk to her. If someone saw me talking to her they would totally question my beliefs and i'd probably end up being found out. She caught up to me. Only because i let her. If i had actually tried she would have never caught up to me because i'm one of the fastest runners in my school.
"What!" i was furious, didn't she get it? I didn't like her. At least not outside church.
"Well.. I-I, was j-j-just," She was surprised. Or shocked because she stammered on like a little worm that was getting squished and only had 10 seconds to ask for life. I rolled my eyes and stared up at my short, unnaturally black hair and noticed that my purple highlights were wearing off. Great, just another thing to make my day even worse. I rubbed my hands on my jeans; something i do to calm myself. I smiled "So what was it that you wanted?"
"Ummm... well i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?"
"Do i look like the type of person who would say yes?" She was totally clueless.
"Well you were kind of nice at church. And you tell the funniest jokes. Like that time when paster James was all like..." She rambled. I was so happy that i lived close to the school because if i had to listen to her for another minute i would have exploded and started swearing and i know some pretty bad swear words. I quickly ran inside my house thinking that i would be relieved in there. But you know my house condition, dontcha diary? My mom was yelling at my dad, he was throwing things at her. You know, the usual. The only thing that I have to do when my parents are in a fight like that is to dodge the thrown objects. Yeah, it's definitely a normal life. Mark (the elder) always told me the best place to go when all hope is lost, or when you just need a big bear hug, is the bible. So that's where i went.
I usually just read a verse or so from the bible because my eyes can't stay open for any longer.
The verse that i read today was found in Psalms 28:7.
It said,
The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,And with my song I will praise Him.
Everyday passed so slowly. It was like God wanted me to feel pain for just living. Sometimes i wonder if he ever leaves me. It's hard to tell since i cant even see him. And today was no different. Except for the fact that a flappin' wild flower was chasing after me. A Wildflower is someone who's weird or different and looked down on. I walked faster, she walked faster. I could hear her footsteps right behind me. I could tell that she was now up to a jog. Doesn't Marcie get it? I don't want to talk to her. If someone saw me talking to her they would totally question my beliefs and i'd probably end up being found out. She caught up to me. Only because i let her. If i had actually tried she would have never caught up to me because i'm one of the fastest runners in my school.
"What!" i was furious, didn't she get it? I didn't like her. At least not outside church.
"Well.. I-I, was j-j-just," She was surprised. Or shocked because she stammered on like a little worm that was getting squished and only had 10 seconds to ask for life. I rolled my eyes and stared up at my short, unnaturally black hair and noticed that my purple highlights were wearing off. Great, just another thing to make my day even worse. I rubbed my hands on my jeans; something i do to calm myself. I smiled "So what was it that you wanted?"
"Ummm... well i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?"
"Do i look like the type of person who would say yes?" She was totally clueless.
"Well you were kind of nice at church. And you tell the funniest jokes. Like that time when paster James was all like..." She rambled. I was so happy that i lived close to the school because if i had to listen to her for another minute i would have exploded and started swearing and i know some pretty bad swear words. I quickly ran inside my house thinking that i would be relieved in there. But you know my house condition, dontcha diary? My mom was yelling at my dad, he was throwing things at her. You know, the usual. The only thing that I have to do when my parents are in a fight like that is to dodge the thrown objects. Yeah, it's definitely a normal life. Mark (the elder) always told me the best place to go when all hope is lost, or when you just need a big bear hug, is the bible. So that's where i went.
I usually just read a verse or so from the bible because my eyes can't stay open for any longer.
The verse that i read today was found in Psalms 28:7.
It said,
The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,And with my song I will praise Him.
I guess i haven't been rejoicing much, more like complaining really. I guess i should go now and "rejoice". Whatever that means- the lord will probably help out.
Chapter 1: Escape
Monday, June 13 4:00pm 116 Tenth Av. North- Cathy's House NewYork City
As I was walking up my very small driveway, and my very small house which would probably look like a shed to most of you, I heard shouting. Arrrgh! My mom and dad were at it again. If anybody knows anything about my family, it's that I dont have one. My mom is always cheating on my dad with a different guy every month, my dad is using mom to make money since he's made none his whole life; all he knows how to do is pass GTA in a day (he's been practicing all these years). Anyways, I decided to step in and break up the fight , because i was tired of being so embarrassed of my family, i mean why am i the one who has no "real" family. Family means love, this family has absolutely no love at all, and i mean it. So as i was dropping my school bag on the ground I yelled. Actually it was more like screaming.
"Whats the matter?" My mom came running to me, followed by my dad.
"You guys are the problem, you always will be. I mean, why can't you guys ever get along. I'm sick and tired of this.. this.. this disaster. We are not a family. Family means love. Dad is using you mom and you are always cheating on dad. Like really, do we have to?!"
"Well cupcake we were only arguing, everybody does that" My dad was hoping my mom wouldn't divorce him because without her he'd be nothing.
"Dad," I said, taking a deep breath trying to calm myself."We are not a normal family. We never were and it would only be a dream if we became one."
"You. Are . Right." My mom said sneering at my dad. "I. Want. Out."
"No mom, that's not what i meant. I said you and dad should work it out not-
my mom cut me of. "We are working this out. Once I leave, there will be peace all over the land. At least in my heart." she added. I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the house. I took out my cell phone because I needed to talk to somebody. Brittany? no. Angela, no? Who could I talk to that could actually help me?! Mark, no, this was crazy, I was tuning into one of those christian freaks. But for some reason my hand clicked call when I scrolled over his number on my phone.
"Hello" He answered with a soft calm voice.
"Hallo, it me, Cathy?" I was wondering if he would remember me at all. I'm sure he saved so many people in his lifetime, what would make him remember me?
"Oh, hey Cathy!" Well at least he remembered me," How's it going?"
"not good, actually terrible. I need your help."
"You know you don't have to come to me whenever you have a question. you always have someone who will understand you, and who is with you all the time."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he can help you, not me. I can't do anything, all I can do is pray."
"You're talking about God, right?" i mean who else was everywhere, all the time.
"yep. So i want you to go home and pray. Talk to him as if you were talking to me.And i'll pray for you too. okay?"
"Sure, what do i have to lose"
"Nothing"
"Well, except for time"
"Ha ha. So what do you want me to pray for?" oops, i almost forgot to tell him my problem.
"My parents, they're having problems. I tried to step in but now my mom wants to divorce" i said in a sarcastically happy voice.
"okay, ill pray. And God bless. Bye"
"Bye" I said shutting my phone.
I ran to my room once I got in my house, trying to avoid my dad who probably hates me right now. I sat down on my bed and prayed. I actually don't know if I really prayed or not because i'm new to this thing. So basically i sat on my bed, looked up at my ceiling and talked. It felt kind of funny talking to the ceiling but Mark told me i'll get used to it, although he also told me that i should read the bible everyday- and i don't. So of course Mark could be wrong. It's not that i don't want to read the bible, it's because my parents would kill me if i even mentioned the "b" word(bible).
Aaahhhhh!!!
It was my mom and dad again. I think m y dad punched my mom, like he always does. :(
I dropped my head in my pillow and ended up sleeping till dinner, which by the way, was t.v. dinner- again. I always dreamt that my mom could cook. It's so embarrassing when you friends come over for dinner and eat t.v dinners. Especially guys- who wants to have a date in a shed, eating t.v dinners?
oh, well. I went to sleep right after dinner. It wasn't that i hated dinner it was just that i couldn't stand another glare from my dad. I thin k he hates me at the moment. So diary, today i tried to step in and save my family but instead i broke it apart, just like that, in less than an hour. Yay Me?
"You guys are the problem, you always will be. I mean, why can't you guys ever get along. I'm sick and tired of this.. this.. this disaster. We are not a family. Family means love. Dad is using you mom and you are always cheating on dad. Like really, do we have to?!"
"Well cupcake we were only arguing, everybody does that" My dad was hoping my mom wouldn't divorce him because without her he'd be nothing.
"Dad," I said, taking a deep breath trying to calm myself."We are not a normal family. We never were and it would only be a dream if we became one."
"You. Are . Right." My mom said sneering at my dad. "I. Want. Out."
"No mom, that's not what i meant. I said you and dad should work it out not-
my mom cut me of. "We are working this out. Once I leave, there will be peace all over the land. At least in my heart." she added. I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the house. I took out my cell phone because I needed to talk to somebody. Brittany? no. Angela, no? Who could I talk to that could actually help me?! Mark, no, this was crazy, I was tuning into one of those christian freaks. But for some reason my hand clicked call when I scrolled over his number on my phone.
"Hello" He answered with a soft calm voice.
"Hallo, it me, Cathy?" I was wondering if he would remember me at all. I'm sure he saved so many people in his lifetime, what would make him remember me?
"Oh, hey Cathy!" Well at least he remembered me," How's it going?"
"not good, actually terrible. I need your help."
"You know you don't have to come to me whenever you have a question. you always have someone who will understand you, and who is with you all the time."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he can help you, not me. I can't do anything, all I can do is pray."
"You're talking about God, right?" i mean who else was everywhere, all the time.
"yep. So i want you to go home and pray. Talk to him as if you were talking to me.And i'll pray for you too. okay?"
"Sure, what do i have to lose"
"Nothing"
"Well, except for time"
"Ha ha. So what do you want me to pray for?" oops, i almost forgot to tell him my problem.
"My parents, they're having problems. I tried to step in but now my mom wants to divorce" i said in a sarcastically happy voice.
"okay, ill pray. And God bless. Bye"
"Bye" I said shutting my phone.
I ran to my room once I got in my house, trying to avoid my dad who probably hates me right now. I sat down on my bed and prayed. I actually don't know if I really prayed or not because i'm new to this thing. So basically i sat on my bed, looked up at my ceiling and talked. It felt kind of funny talking to the ceiling but Mark told me i'll get used to it, although he also told me that i should read the bible everyday- and i don't. So of course Mark could be wrong. It's not that i don't want to read the bible, it's because my parents would kill me if i even mentioned the "b" word(bible).
Aaahhhhh!!!
It was my mom and dad again. I think m y dad punched my mom, like he always does. :(
I dropped my head in my pillow and ended up sleeping till dinner, which by the way, was t.v. dinner- again. I always dreamt that my mom could cook. It's so embarrassing when you friends come over for dinner and eat t.v dinners. Especially guys- who wants to have a date in a shed, eating t.v dinners?
oh, well. I went to sleep right after dinner. It wasn't that i hated dinner it was just that i couldn't stand another glare from my dad. I thin k he hates me at the moment. So diary, today i tried to step in and save my family but instead i broke it apart, just like that, in less than an hour. Yay Me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)